


Widowed

by halflinghoney



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Friendship, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 18:10:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16837744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halflinghoney/pseuds/halflinghoney
Summary: Life wasn't the same after losing your husband, Jongdae, to a fatal illness.





	Widowed

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I love writing angst? I came up with this idea and had to get all the depressing thoughts out of my system through this story. I'm sorry for the sad! ;w;

The days that followed your husband’s passing brought autumn early, which seemed strange. You were sure it was because the sunshine Jongdae brought to your world was gone. He was sick for some time, so it wasn’t unexpected. That still didn’t make your grieving any easier.  
  
You would have to learn to be your own person again; to be alone, face the world alone, and probably die alone. You couldn’t see yourself with anyone else, even if you were in the prime of your life and had plenty of years left to live. Then again, you thought Jongdae had his entire life ahead of him. Who knew that would be crushed by the word “cancer”?  
  
Days dragged on. Nights were unbearable. You found yourself sleeping in his shirts, desperately clinging to his scent while it still lingered. Alcohol took an edge off the pain, but only long enough for you to feel numb for a few hours. You weren’t drinking yourself into a stupor, yet you couldn’t deny that it helped you sleep.  
  
In your dreams, you would see Jongdae. He was always too far away. Sometimes, you would be in your house and see him pass by out of the corner of your eye. When you sought him out, he was nowhere to be found. Other times, you would be walking behind him, but you could never catch up. These dreams were only making you restless. You would wake up, reaching out for him, only to find yourself in an empty bed. And then, you would cry.  
  
You ended up mourning in solitude for two months before a mutual friend of yours and Jongdae’s showed up at your house unannounced. Kyungsoo was never one for surprises, but this visit was too important to warn you about it.  
  
You were a mess. Bags were under your eyes, your hair hadn’t been brushed in a while, and who knew how long ago you took your last shower; you’d honestly forgotten. It was less than a week...but you didn’t actually know what day it was. You never checked your phone anymore or looked at the calendar.  
  
At first you didn’t want to open the door, but when Kyungsoo refused to leave, you begrudgingly let him in.  
  
“Please, Kyungsoo, I’m really not in the mood--”  
  
“When will you ever be in the mood?” He cut in. How he managed to be gentle, yet firm in the same sentence was beyond you.  
  
You found yourself at a loss for words.  
  
He sighed softly and put a hand on your arm. “You’re going to take a bath. I’ll run the water.” He glanced around your disaster of a house before adding, “And I’ll tidy up while you’re doing that.” He made his way to the bathroom and you forced yourself to follow him. After testing to make sure the water temperature was all right, he left you alone to get in the bathtub.  
  
Once you threw the pajamas you were wearing to the ever-growing laundry pile in the corner of the bathroom, you lowered yourself into the tub and waited to adjust to the heated water. You pulled your knees to your chest and tried not to cry. The tub felt so much bigger now that you weren’t sharing it with your husband. You closed your eyes and remembered sitting between Jongdae’s legs, resting back on chest while your head rested on his shoulder. He would hum various melodies, always loving the acoustics in this bathroom.  
  
You started humming one of his favorite tunes, but got choked up halfway through. You slowly sank under the water. When your head was completely covered, you held your breath for as long as your lungs would allow before coming up and gasping for air. You stared up at the ceiling. The water felt nice, but it still couldn’t wash away your sorrows.  
  
After thirty minutes, the water was starting to lose its warmth. You washed and rinsed and finally emerged from the tub. Wrapping yourself in a towel, you walked into the bedroom only to find the blankets had been stripped from the mattress. You blinked. Kyungsoo was being more thorough with cleaning than you could’ve imagined. You got dressed into decently presentable clothing, and then brushed your teeth and hair. With a deep breath, you finally went to find Kyungsoo.  
  
The man was cleaning your living room with a trash bag in hand. He looked up as you entered the room. “Hey, stranger,” he greeted with a small smile. “How are you feeling?”  
  
You glanced around at the food containers scattered around on most of the flat surfaces in the room that he was currently gathering. You felt humiliated. “Less like the pig that lives in this pigsty,” you answered.  
  
His smile grew. “Yeah? Good. I’m cleaning, so you won’t have to feel that way anymore.”  
  
You frowned. “I think I’ll always feel this way,” you murmured.  
  
Kyungsoo paused what he was grabbing and stood up straight to get a good look at you for a long moment. It wasn’t awkward because you knew Kyungsoo, and you knew he was just carefully picking his choice of words. “It’s never going to stop hurting,” he started, leaning over again to continue cleaning. “It might be more tolerable, but it’ll always be there. You’ll always miss him. _We’ll_ always miss him. But...you can’t let that stop you from living your life.”  
  
You picked up a couple empty soda cans from an end table and handed it to him. “He was my life, Kyungsoo.” Once he took the cans, you flopped down onto the couch, tucked your legs under you, and buried your face in your hands. You whimpered, “Everything I did was for him…All for his happiness.”  
  
“Yeah...I know,” Kyungsoo said, coming over to take a seat beside you. He placed a caring hand on your knee. “Jongdae told me…” He drifted off, finding it hard to speak all of a sudden. He was clearly upset, too.  
  
You dried your eyes on your sleeve and glanced over at him. “What? Told you what?”  
  
“He told me...he knew you would be devastated, and that he wanted me to be the strong one to talk sense into you if you needed it.” Kyungsoo motioned to the house. “And you kind of need it, so here it goes…” He took your hand and gazed at you. “You need to get out of the house. You need to see your family and friends. You need to bath regularly. You need to stop eating take-out for every meal.”  
  
A smile had to crack at the corner of your mouth.  
  
That made him lightly squeeze your hand. “You have people who are so worried about you. If you checked your phone, you would know that. I’m here to be Jongdae’s reminder…” Kyungsoo pulled out his phone and pulled up a text. “These are his words: ‘ _If she ever hits rock bottom, tell her that I may be gone, but that doesn’t change how much we loved each other._ ’” Kyungsoo paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “‘ _Fondly remember the time we spent together, and that will be enough for me._ ’” He let out a soft chuckle. “‘ _Kyungsoo, you better tell her this, or so help me, I will haunt you._ ’”  
  
You let out a giggle at the end. You were pretty sure the last time you laughed was because of something Jongdae said before he passed. “He could always make me laugh.” You drifted off and laughed again. “And now, even from the grave…” You wiped your eyes again and relaxed against the couch. You looked up to the ceiling and loudly exclaimed, “You wanted to wait until I hit rock bottom before Kyungsoo told me that?!” You shook your head and the laughter kept coming. “You’re such a shit!”  
  
Kyungsoo wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you to his side. “He loved you. He still loves you. He will always love you. Vice versa. And yes, he will always be a shit.” He smiled at you. “You know, the rest of the guys wanted to come over here too, but I told them it’d be too much on you. We wanted to give you time to mourn instead of bombarding you.” He leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. “You’re like our sister…We’ve been so worried about you. If there’s anything we can do to help, we want to; even if it’s take your mind off of everything for a while.” He looked over to you again and smiled. “We’re here for you.” Those words hung in the air for a moment until he clapped his hands to his knees and stood up. “I’m gonna keep cleaning.”  
  
You had to dry your eyes yet again. So many people cared about you, and you hadn’t realized just how much. You slowly rose to your feet and gave Kyungsoo a smile. “Thank you for everything,” you declared, wrapping your arms around his waist. “It’s just been really hard without him. Our memories mean so much to me...I’m so lucky to have loved and been loved by him.”  
  
Kyungsoo hugged you as well, patting your back until you were content enough to pull away. “Jongdae felt the same about you.”  
  
You smiled up at him. He knew just what to say in your time of need, and you appreciated that. “Yeah...I know he did…” You smiled even warmer. “Now, let’s get cleaning,” you said, going into the kitchen to start washing dishes.  
  
You would never forget the pure joy Jongdae brought to your life. It was going to be hard to continue living without him, but you would get by. Kyungsoo was right: Losing Jongdae would always hurt, even if you were moving on with your life.  
  
And that was okay.


End file.
